The Language of Relationships

Quite often, the English language has not kept pace with current realities in our ever-evolving society. Take the language of relationships, for example.

When referring to the person with whom one is having an unmarried intimate relationship, the terms most overwhelmingly used are “boyfriend” or ”girlfriend”. These words are universally used, regardless of the age of those involved, circumstances, or type of relationship.

Am I the only one who finds the idea of a grown woman referring to a man in his 40s as her “boyfriend” to be totally ludicrous? Does anyone agree that a man who is not married to the mother of his children but refers to her simply as his “girlfriend” to be making more than a little bit of an understatement?

To me, the words “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” bring up visions of fifteen year olds “going steady”, exchanging class rings, and going to the prom. These terms are both absurd and inadequate to refer to adult relationships.

“Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” hearken back to a time when most people got married in their late teens and stayed married until death do us part. There weren’t enough unmarried adults in the many different types of relationships we see today to need having terms that described mature unmarried non platonic relationships.

Despite the fact that new words are routinely coined to reflect changing realities, the English language has not evolved much in the realm of relationships. From time to time, there have been attempts to address this lack of appropriate relationship terms, but such attempts haven’t succeeded to any great degree.

“Partner” enjoys some popularity in the gay community, but has not caught on among heterosexuals largely because many view this word as referring only to gay relationships, and others think it sounds too businesslike. “Significant other” is awkward to use, “paramour” sounds too hoity-toity, “fuckbuddy” is too blunt, and so on.

Personally, I prefer to use the word “lover”, because that’s what they are to me. I also will refer to lovers simply by their names, without explaining the type of relationship. Or I merely call them a “friend” and let the person I’m talking to figure out just what kind of friend they are to me on their own.

Thoughts?