The Spectre of Old Age

The other night, I was talking to one of my former coworkers. After catching up on what we’d been doing recently, the subject eventually turned to the recent rash of cancer deaths down at the department. He told me that a guy who’d been on my shift and had recently retired from the force had died not long ago.

That’s three people from my old shift in the space of a year, not to mention two others who‘d died. Combined with my brother’s recent stroke, all these reminders of mortality has been a sobering thing.

I’ve been asked quite a few times about what happens to an old libertine. Some have speculated that I will one day “settle down” into a monogamous relationship, once I get past a certain age.

Mostly, I’ve tried to avoid thinking about my old age, partially because I’m not entirely sure I’ll even have an old age, given my family’s average track record on longevity. I’ve basically thought it was going to be a “live hard, die young, and leave a good looking corpse” kind of a deal for me. But I know it’s quite possible that I’ll live to be old, and the idea of being alone and at the mercy of my son in my old age is not a particularly appealing one.

So, lately, I’ve been thinking some about my old age. I’ve always planned to continue with my lifestyle as long as I remain virile, which I expect to be for many years to come. That plan hasn’t changed. As long as I’m able to attract lovers and am able to perform, I intend to live my life as I always have.

But I concede there may come a day where I’m no longer able to continue this lifestyle, for whatever reason. Someday, I might end up in a de facto monogamous relationship (thought never a de jure one). However, it would be by default or circumstances -- it would never be a choice I’d make freely as long as I have other options and am capable of living as I always have.

Hopefully, I'll recognize when that day has come and will not wait until it's too late.

Thoughts?