Having Children

esterday, John Sherck wrote an entry about why people want to have children and also why people don't want to have them.

This was one of those entries that as soon as I'd finished reading it, my words of response came flowing out of me in a torrent. I nearly wrote a novel myself, responding to his original post.

I like when this happens; when another person's writing inspires my own. Below, is my response to John's entry, after which you can go to his blog (Where's My Plan) to read the original entry for yourself:

So far as the desire to have sex and the unconscious desire to reproduce, it seems as if there is an inverse relation between level of promiscuity and desire to have children. Though I have a son, I've never had any burning desire to be a father and I approached parenthood rather reluctantly. Indeed, many have commented on the fact that I've only sired one child, despite having had hundreds of sex partners in my lifetime. Likewise, none of the fellow libertines I've met in my travels have been very child oriented, though I've known a few with children.

(John's response to my comment)
I hadn't gone that far with it, to see an inverse correlation, but as I said, the sex drive and the desire to reproduce are separate things, despite what some might think.

From my perspective as a former law enforcement officer, I firmly believe that not everyone should have children. For many people, there's not much thought to it: you get married, you have children. One naturally follows the other. Few people consciously examine their reasons for wanting children, erroneously thinking being a parent just comes naturally and needs no special aptitude or training. Most people give more thought and consideration to buying a new home than they do about the issue of whether to have children.

Nothing could be more wrong. Having seen countless cases of abuse at all levels of intensity during my police years -- mainly perpetrated not by "bad" people, per se, but merely by those ill suited to parenthood -- I think the decision to become a parent should be a more thoughtful one and not an automatic assumption. There would be a lot more happier adults and happier children that way.

(John's response)
Very good point. If I'd gotten more into the question, I probably would have gone in the same direction. It's a decision which should be taken seriously, not followed for poor reasons like "everyone is doing it" or because people have been conditioned to think of it as normal and right.

Some people have called those who have chosen to be childless (childfree?) "selfish", but I see the real selfish ones being the ones ill suited for parenthood having kids for all the wrong reasons. With most bad decisions, the consequences only affects oneself, but having kids when one isn't suited or isn't ready affects other people. Having kids isn't like getting a puppy, then returning it to the pound (which is bad enough!), when you get tired of it.

Thoughts?