Never Going Back

Insomnia yet again, so I'm here writing the day's entry before I have another fruitless attempt at sleeping.

In the past decade, many people have asked me why I left the police department and why don't I try to go back into that line of work. To be honest, I've considered it a time or two, but each time I've rejected the idea. I'm a different person now, and I no longer have any interest in working in that capacity.

At the time I left the department, I was completely disillusioned by my work, not having enjoyed it since around my second year on the force. After a couple of years on the force, the rest of my time there was endured with gritted teeth. I was sick of the constant negativity of dealing with people not at their best, the Machiavellian internal politics, the lousy pay, the lousy hours, the stupid lawyers, many of my co-workers with their limited, authoritarian world views, and so on. Looking back at the vantage point of a decade off the force, the only consistently good thing about the job was the benefit package: a generous medical and sick leave policy and retirement plan. I certainly miss those things, but that's about all I miss.

Other things that wore me down were having to enforce certain kinds of laws I didn't believe in and witnessing the disparity of how the rich, middle class, and poor were treated in the court system. The job was also rapidly turning me into a racist, which wasn't the way I was raised, so this factor also contributed to my decision to leave the force.

Despite all this, in recent years, I've several times seriously considered returning there, solely for the job stability and the benefits. But considering that I've been gone for a decade, I'd have to go through the academy all over again, which is something I'd rather avoid. I've also spoken with some of my former coworkers and they've informed me that the hours suck even worse than when I was there, as they've gone to 12 hours shifts, which would suck royally, in my book.

And the older I get, the less I can tolerate bullshit, and if was nearly intolerable in my late 20s and into my 30s, there wouldn't be any "nearly" about it in my 40s.

Plus, I don't think I could deal with having to have short hair again. A definite deal breaker. :-p

Thoughts?