The first is that traditional, legal heterosexual marriage is the ultimate relationship form that all successful relationships must eventually become. Those who believe in this group people into four categories:
- Those who are married
- Those who are waiting to be married
- Those who have been widowed or divorced and are waiting to be married again
- Those who were never lucky enough to marry in the first place.
The second is that all successful relationships must be daily -- seven days a week.
Never mind that dailiness can makes us too familiar with one another and lead partners to take one another for granted. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is more than just a cliche.
The third myth is that all successful relationships must be domestic, that one must live full time with their partner.
We've all heard people say, "I love Soandso, but I could never live with him(her)", and they break up the relationship because of this, which is based on the domestic myth. Dispense with the myth, and continue to enjoy such relationships on their own terms.
The fourth myth is all successful relationships must be exclusive -- sexually and otherwise.
In addition to the customary expectation of sexual exclusivity, most people unrealistically expect their partners to meet every other need they have. This is unrealistic, because our partners are "mere mortals who love you, but are not gods who can make your every dream come true." This myth is probably one of the largest causes of relationship disappointment, as no one could possibly live up to these expectations.
The fifth myth is that all successful relationships must be forever -- until death do us part.
This expectation came about when the life expectancy was nowhere near what it is now and when marriage was more a practical relationship of survival, rather than a love match. People then promising "until death do us part" had, if they were lucky, 20 years of "forever", and did not face the prospect of many years living in an "empty nest".
But people live longer now, life is about more than just mere survival, and people evolve, change,and grow during their longer lifespans. A partner who was right for us at 20 might not be the same one who is right at 40, 60, etc. To end a relationship that longer fits doesn't mean it was a failure; it was right in its proper time, and it's simply time to move on.
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For more details about what I've written above, read Kigma's book. Those who read it will never look at intimate relationships in quite the same way again. The only fault with this book, in my opinion, was an excessive amount of superfluous psychobabble, but I simply skipped that to get to the book's core message.
Thoughts?
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