Some Old Journal Entries

Last night, I found an old journal I'd written during my years on the police force. Following are some entries from that journal:

July 18, 1988

I had an interesting female shoplifter from the supermarket last night. I took her to the jail, where the female jailer took her to the bathroom to search her for any other shoplifted items she might have had hidden about her person.

The jailer had her to lift her skirt, which revealed some kind of bloomer type pants underneath. There was a rip about where the leg met the torso and the suspect had a package of barbecue beef wrapped like hamburger meat, half-eaten, that she'd stuffed up there. And she wasn't wearing any panties, either. At first, the jailer thought she was having her period and that the pad had slipped.

I'm surprised that I didn't smell anything in the police car because when the woman pulled the package out from between her legs, the stench almost made the jailer faint -- it would have knocked a buzzard off a carcass!

I may never eat barbecue beef ever again.

August 3, 1988

Yesterday, one of our regular winos was found dead down on the viaduct. One of the cab drivers down there called it in, saying they saw someone they thought might be dead lying on the railroad tracks. It turned out that he'd slipped and hit his head, but that isn't what killed him. It turned out when he fell, he got his head wedged between two concrete pillars and it had caved in the side of his head and probably broke his neck. He had been dead for some time as rigor had completely set in and EMS had quite a time dislodging him from the spot.

August 5, 1988

The county had a funny call the other night. They came upon a man along the side of the road, wearing nothing but a pair of briefs. He was not drunk, but he could not remember -- or so he said -- how he got there, how he happened to be in that state of undress, only that he wanted to go back to his home town 30 miles away in the next county.

It seems to me that he must have taken a header out some woman's window when her husband came home, or something of that nature.

They were planning to take him to the county line, but the next county's officers didn't want to take him without any clothes. They tried to find him some pants, but were unable to do so. The other county eventually agreed to take him as is. A strange twist to this story was when a woman called and asked about him and her husband. The two were supposed to be somewhere together on an errand. The guy in the underwear didn't have a clue about what she was talking about, however.

A screwy story all around.

August 16, 1988

I had a funny arrest the other night. I brought in two drunks from a local bar. They were both laughing and joking during the entire booking process. As I put them in their cells, one guy walked into a cell and pulled the door closed on himself, as I locked the other one in. I got a big kick out of how willingly he went into the cell.

August 22, 1988

One of our regular winos got out of jail on Friday and got right back in again on Saturday. A call came in describing a white male standing out in the middle of the road. I knew right away that it was "Tippy Toes". He was yelling and screaming by the time I got him to the jail, saying he was going to kill me. As we got out of the car, he knocked the ticket book out of my hands and sent his own glasses skittering across the pavement. Even though he was handcuffed from behind, he kept raising those chicken wings he has for arms to try to hit me. I was laughing my ass off at this pathetic spectacle, saying, "You're a real tough guy, huh?" Once I got him inside, his pants fell down to his ankles and I marched him to his cell this way.

September 2, 1988

On one call last night, a domestic call, one officer called out to another on the radio warning him that it was possible that the suspect had a gun on him. The second officer replied, "That will make two of us!"

October 5, 1988

One of the jailers did something funny last night. He counted the prisoners and kept coming up with one extra. After counting three or four times, it suddenly dawned on him that he'd been counting himself!
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That's it for now. I'll post more from this journal on another entry.