A Typical Trip to McDonald's

I don't know why I continue to patronize the McDonald's near my house. It's not my favorite type of fast food, and the service is abysmal.

Invariably, when I go there to pick up a quick meal, the cars are lined up around the building. I can tell they've all been there a long time by the tell-tale cobwebs attaching the cars' tires to the ground and the skeletons sitting behind the wheel.

But I never learn my lesson. I get into line, which moves at a glacial pace, my clothes going in and out of style three times as I wait. And wait. And wait. The line moves so slowly, that I could pull out my cell phone, order a pizza to be delivered to me in line -- and I'd be hungry again by the time I made it to the window!

Finally, I make it to the order box: "Wuh, WAH, wah, wah, wuh, WAHHHHH?" So, THIS is where Charlie Brown's teacher got a job after she retired from the elementary school!

I give my order, having to repeat it at least three times: Three chicken wraps and two pies. No, I don't want fries with that.

One century and a drained gas tank later, I finally make it to the pay window, where a sullen, silent teenager takes my money, dropping the coins onto the ground between the building and the car as he/she/it gives me back my change.

An eternity later, I arrive at the food pick up window! The smirking pimple-faced teenager there points at parking spaces just beyond the pick up window, telling me to park it, that they'll bring my food "right out".

Ten years and fourteen cars later, I still have no food. Did they have to go out and kill another chicken? Eventually, I realize they've forgotten about me and I have to get out of the car and go inside. My food has been sitting on the counter waiting all that time. I look inside the bag: two chicken wraps and an order of fries. What part of three didn't they understand and I wanted PIES with that, not FRIES!

Many times I vow never to eat there again. But I know I'm a liar. I know the next time I'm low on cash and I'm in a hurry, I'll be back again to try my luck.