Monday, February 26, 2007

Answering a Reader's Question

Commenting on a recent post, The Capt. asked:

Just curious! Do you find your relationships with various women fulfilling in itself, or does it lead to something within you that you find passionate?

The days of dating 5 ladies simultaneously were entertaining and fun, but I still had the feeling that I wanted to start my own business, and took steps to do it. It was that focus that narrowed down the ladies in my fold to one.

Before I answer this question, I'd like to thank The Capt. for giving me something to write about today, as I was still feeling uninspired!

For me, having relationships with several women simultaneously feels perfectly natural and normal and, except for a brief disastrous attempt at marriage, I've always conducted my sex/love life in this way. At present, there are eight women I see on a regular to semi-regular basis, combined with the periodic one-night stands when I get antsy or bored with the regulars.

I take the pressure off in my relationships by not expecting one woman to fulfill every one of my needs. Each different woman appeals to a different part of me and with each one, I expand my sexual repertoire just that little bit more.

Spreading it around tends to stave off the kiss of death for relationships for me -- too much familiarity. Having space to come and go as I please, see others, helps to keep the interest going. Two old sayings about relationships tend to be true for me: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "Familiarity breed contempt".

The lure of the hunt, and the pleasures of conquest are highly arousing for me and it satisfies my need for animal passion. Emotional love, though it happens now and then, is not always necessary, nor always desired.

I was married once, for about 18 months, in the early 80s. I tried to be monogamous, but it drove me insane. I was only able to remain faithful for two weeks, then I had to have something else.

Limiting myself to one woman is akin to being limited to eating one dish 3 times a day, 365 days a year, year in, year out. Even if this dish was my favorite meal, I would soon grow sick of it and never want to eat it ever again, without being able to have any variety. I love steak, but I appreciate steak much more, when I don't eat it every day; when I can have chicken, fish, spaghetti, and so on.

I'm also quite independent and I value my privacy. No one owns my body and my emotions but me, and I will share one or both with whomever and how many ever I choose. To cage or hoard love, physical and/or emotional, is to eventually kill it for me.

The Capt mentions "dating". I don't really "date" in the traditional sense with all of them -- they are all sexual, but they vary in frequency and feeling. Most of these women are "friends with benefits" that I see relatively infrequently and usually with the single purpose in mind. Most of the traditional "date-y" stuff is with the primary, and, even with her, I come and go as I please. Too much unbroken time, even with her, and I get restless.

I hope I was able to answer his question and I thank him again for giving me something to write about.


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