Saturday, July 7, 2007

Rambling Rant About Virginity

We might as well make up our minds that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.
Alexander Comfort
The Joy of Sex, 1986

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

While browsing the newspaper online the other day, I read the Dear Abby page where there were several letters in response to an original letter where a man had written to Abby about his dismay in finding that his fiancee was not a virgin.

I've never understood that mentality, why it would be so important to marry a person utterly lacking in practical knowledge about sex, especially when most experts agree that sex is a very important component of a successful marriage.

In the book, The Politics of Lust, author John Ince wrote:

The more sexual experience, the more pleasure we can provide our mates. In every other shared activity, such as cooking, cleaning, playing music, or dancing, more rather less experience is considered a benefit for a mate.

Indeed. Though I've deflowered my share of virgins in my time, a better time is always had when I'm with a woman who is sexually experienced. Those men who want virgin brides, while being sexually experienced themselves betray a certain arrogance in their desire that their wife's only knowledge of sex will come from them.

Much of this valuation of virginity comes from Christianity, originating in the Catholic church. They believe that Mary the mother of Jesus was a perpetual virgin: that she was a virgin before she became pregnant with Jesus and that she remained a virgin after he was born and for the rest of her life.

I don't see why this should be so important to Christian belief. Jesus' importance as a prophet or the son of God, should not be altered in any way by Mary's sexual experience or lack thereof. It's only when one believes that sex itself is a dirty and shameful thing that Mary's virginity would have relevance, as such Christians would want Jesus to be free of any "taint".

But I digress.

To me, virginity has no inherent value, either good or bad. It is an entirely neutral status. To those men hunting virgin brides, I'd advise them first to practice what they preach or, more realistically, to look for other, more important qualities in their prospective mates.

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