Thursday, August 9, 2007

Odds and Ends in August

The next time I decide to have sex outside in the summertime, would someone please hit me upside the head and remind me of this post?

I won't go into too much explicit detail here, but the other night I got the urge and called up a lover to see if she could help me out. She told me that she wasn't at home and wouldn't be for awhile, but that she could meet me somewhere.

To make a long story short, we ended up doing the deed outside against her car. When I got home, I realized that my ass and legs were covered in mosquito bites. Very itchy mosquito bites. And trying to scratch that many bites with just my fingers simply wasn't getting the job done. So I got an old hair brush and went to town on myself with that to get some relief. I ended up spending that night periodically scratching like a hound.

I'm still itching some -- the hot weather we've been having hasn't helped things at all.

Speaking of the weather, we had our first triple-digit high temperature of the summer today. The official high temperature was 104F, which set a record. The lowest temperature of the day also set a record for being the highest low temperature. Unfortunately, the weatherman predicted more of the same for tomorrow, with no rain in sight.

It was so hot today that I thought I saw a guy wearing a red suit and carrying a pitchfork as I drove around town.

Despite it being almost too hot to breathe, let along eat, this didn't stop the usual crop of idiots from ordering pizza. We could have had alien invaders marching down our town's main street, and these cretins would still be ordering pizza. Hell, I'd not be surprised if the aliens would order pizza to be delivered to their spaceship as well!

I managed to get through the night without completely melting into a greasy puddle, but when I got home, I had to literally peel the sweaty clothes off my body. I'd left the air-conditioning on when I'd left the house, so that the cats wouldn't get too hot while I was gone. So, at least I got cool quickly enough once I'd divested myself of my nasty clothes.

While listening to a radio talk show tonight, one caller said "incentivize" when talking to the host. When I heard this, I yelled at the radio, "That's not a word, you fucking moron!" Out of all types of bastardizations of the English language, I think I despise corporate trendy lingo the most.

I read that there was a F2 tornado in Brooklyn yesterday. This is an extremely rare occurrence for New York City, the last time being in 1889. Screwy weather, indeed.

No comments: