Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sometimes A Cigar is Just a Cigar

When checking Alternet this morning, my eyes was immediately caught by the title to one article: Do Jerks Get Laid More?

I thought to myself, "here we go again." Yet another expression of the tired opinion that Monogamous = Nice Guy, Non-monogamous = Jerk. Needless to say, I find that black and white assumption to be simplistic at best.

My response to this article follows below:

Sometimes a Cigar Is Just a Cigar

I'm one of those guys who has had a large number of sexual partners since I first became sexually active in the mid-1970s. I'm unmarried and have been for my entire adult life, barring one brief misadventure into marriage in the early 80s.

I don't think I'm a jerk or a narcissist, however. I just have a high libido and I prefer casual sex with a variety of partners, rather than settling down into a monogamous relationship with just one partner.

I'm not a jerk, as I'm honest with women and tell them up front what I'm all about -- they have a chance to walk away if that's not their cup of tea.

Though I'll occasionally have a one night stand and I do have more serious relationships (never monogamous), I'm mainly the "friends with benefits" type for several women concurrently.

That is, there are a lot of women who, for whatever reasons, don't want a serious relationship at various points in their lives, but they still have sexual needs they want fulfilled. These are the kinds of women whom I typically choose for my partners. There's lots of great sex with no strings attached on both sides. And though the cast of characters continues to shift over the years, it's worked well for me -- and for them, too.

And that's what it's all about. People still have sexual needs even if they don't have the time or inclination to pursue a full-blown relationship, monogamous or not.

Your thoughts?

No comments: