Tower of Drunken Babel

During my time on the police force, I rarely had to deal with people who could not speak English.

Two exceptions come to mind, however, both being DUI cases. One time, I got a call on the radio to go to the jail to assist with a breathalyzer test. I was puzzled, as I’d already heard both the arresting officer and BA operator call out at the jail.

When I got there, they had a guy who didn’t speak English. He was German, over here on a business trip to one of the German-owned companies in the area. When I arrived, he was playing the “no speaka da English” card to the hilt, hoping maybe that would help him get out of it.

His hopes were dashed and I saw his face visibly fall when I approached him and began speaking to him in his own language. I’d always known that those six years of German would come in handy one day! After he realized the jig was up, he cooperated from that point on and didn’t give us any more trouble.

Another time, a young Hispanic man was brought in for a BA test. Before the test was run, he was given a sheet explaining the test and his rights. The BA operator also questioned him orally, and he responded in several complete sentences, making it clear that he understood. He also cooperated with the test with no trouble.

The trouble came later, when the man he’d called to bail him out arrived. This man was the pastor of a church for Spanish speaking people in the area. As soon as he came into the building, he began ranting and raving about how the arrestee’s rights had been violated because we’d not provided a translator for him. I was “lucky” enough to have been working the desk that day, and I said to the guy, “Well, that’s funny. He was speaking English perfectly well to several people before you arrived. I can’t imagine he forgot how in just the space of a few minutes.”

But there it was. Obviously on the advice of his pastor, the young man began pretending that he couldn’t speak English, despite having previously shown us that he could. Needless to say, the young man was convicted, and the pastor’s meddling had made it worse for him than if he’d kept his mouth shut and just bailed him out.