All In a Day's Work

Police work is serious business. But not always…

One time, two officers had been hunting one guy who had a warrant out for his arrest for dealing drugs. The warrant was several weeks old, as the man had been successful so far at evading arrest. Finally, one officer got a tip that the suspect frequented a particular “liquor house” on the south side of town.

The officer decided to park his car up the street a bit, behind a dumpster, and wait to see if the suspect would appear. The second officer drove up awhile later and parked next to him with his car faced in the opposite direction. They waited for awhile, each remaining in his own car. When it looked as if he wasn’t going to show and they were getting ready to give up for the night, the guy finally appears, leaving the liquor house.

Both officers threw their car doors open, eager to nab the suspect. However, it was a narrow street and the cars were parked very close together. Both car doors slammed into each other in mid-swing, neither opened far enough to enable the officers to exit their vehicles.

While they were struggling to get out of their cars, the suspect spotted them and began laughing his ass off. Before the officers could get it together and bail out from their passenger doors, the suspect had hauled ass. Gone again…

Another time, an officer responded to a call to a domestic dispute; an entire family of rednecks duking it out in the front yard. He raced to the scene and quickly parked the car when he saw the fighting still going on, hot and heavy, as he arrived. He was so intent on breaking up the fight that he’d paid no attention to where he’d parked. He threw the door open and jumped out…..and fell, six feet down into a drainage ditch! Seeing this, the rednecks immediately stopped fighting and laughed themselves silly at the sight of this officer sprawled in the ditch, covered in muddy water.

When out on patrol, most officers usually returned to the station if they had to go to the bathroom, especially for a “major transaction”. The upstairs men’s restroom, not available to the public, was the preferred place to conduct such business. One day, our shift lieutenant had returned to the station for just this purpose. Just as he’d settled himself to begin, one of the other officers called him on the radio.

“What’s your 10-20 (location)?”

“I’m 10-91 (at the station).”

“I’m 10-91, too. But where are you, 10-91?”

The lieutenant didn’t want to explain to every yahoo in the county with a police scanner that he was taking a crap, so he merely keyed the mike and flushed the toilet.

“Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeen-four!” the other officer replied.

One warm spring day, an officer was riding down the town’s main drag, with the window open, enjoying the sunshine. Suddenly, a bee flew into the car and went down his shirt. Because the officer was allergic to bee stings, he immediately stopped the car, right there in traffic, and jumped out. Standing there in the middle of the road, he ripped his shirt off and began dancing all around, hoping that the bee would fly away. A very short time later, the dispatcher got a call from a citizen advising them they had a drunken cop in the middle of Main Street and that they needed to send someone to go pick him up!