The Customer is Always WRONG!

One of the things I liked best about police work was that the "customer" was always wrong. That is, we didn't have to suck up to the criminals like those working in retail have to do with their frequently moronic customers. We were able to let it all hang out, for the most part, and tell it like it was.

At the booking area of our jail, a large sign was displayed conveying this attitude to all new inmates:

"This is not Burger King. We do not do it your way. You will do it our way".

I remember bringing in a yuppie twerp one time for DUI. As I escorted him into the jail, he looked around in distaste. Finally, he said to the jailer, "I want clean sheets in my cell. RIGHT NOW!"

The jailer and I looked at each other and laughed our asses off. The jailer turned to the little prick and said, "I'm so sorry. The Holiday Inn is just down the road. You missed it."

Another time, I brought in a sloppy female drunk. As the jailer greeted us at the back door, the she-drunk started pointing at me, saying, "He don't give a fuck. He don't give a fuck".

The jailer raised one eyebrow at her and said with a deadpan expression, "That's right! He charges for them!"

That was the one and only time in my entire police career that I ever saw a drunk rendered speechless.

I once saw this "customer is always wrong" sentiment expressed on a T-shirt:

"Take no guff, cut no slack, Hook 'em and book 'em, and don't look back!"