Last night, while listening to the radio as I was out driving, a woman called in to request a dedication for her husband. She mentioned that she was fortunate to be a stay at home mom to her four kids, because her husband worked TWO FULL TIME JOBS in order to make this possible.
Excuse me? Does anyone else see what is terribly wrong with that picture?
If her husband has to work two FULL time jobs in order to make ends meet, then the family cannot afford the luxury of a stay at home parent! He is essentially working both his job and the job she should be working. If marriage is supposed to be teamwork, then she is not holding up her end.
There is something obscene to me about this poor man working sixteen hours a day, while she remains at home. If she were any kind of a good wife, she'd not allow him to work himself to death like that.
The first thing they'd say is that it's for the good of the children to have a stay at home parent. But in this case, is it worth it?
They might get plenty of time with mom, but what about Dad? If he's working sixteen hours a day, they never see him, as what precious little time he has at home is no doubt spent sleeping. And the human body can only take so much overwork -- our bodies were not designed to work sixteen hours a day.
He's working himself into an early grave, and what good would it be for the kids to lose a father they never really knew years before his time? There's much more important things about being a father than throwing money at the family.
This family would be better off with two employed parents, each working one job, living in balance, who get to spend some time with their kids, and who will both live long enough to see those kids grow up.
Thoughts?
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I just came across your blog while googling "libertine ethics" - I wish I had seen it 10 years ago. This is great stuff. I don't know if you are still around or even alive, but I'll post this anyways.
In my experience, men who work 16 hour days do so because they don't want to be home. For whatever reason, such men would rather be at work than at home. Perhaps they aren't comfortable at home (many men who abdicated childrearing to their wives don't know how to related to their children), don't really "connect" with their wives; perhaps they enjoy the work.
My dad worked 80-100 hour weeks for years. This was partly for the money. My mom would have loved to have pitched in, but after 15 years out of the work force, she couldn't land anything better than minimum wage - my dad could earn more in one overtime shift than my mom would earn in a week. My dad enjoyed the work, enjoyed being useful and felt "macho" knowing that he could outwork any of his peers. He loved my mom, but in his own way - which didn't involve lots of "quality time" together. He was a good man, he chose this lifestyle. He passed away 3 years ago with no regrets.
Just as the libertine lifestyle works for some, the workaholic lifestyle works for some.
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