Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Brake Checks and Screen Tests

Have you ever given a tailgater a "brake check"? Admit it. You know you have.

Don't know what a "brake check" is? Let me enlighten you. A brake check happens when you get so tired of some moron riding your ass that you decide to slam on your brakes for no reason, which has two possible results. One, the moron gets pissed off at having to slow down or stop and, secondly, he rear-ends you, which would be, of course, his fault.

But the experienced driver is able to determine the right time for a brake check in order to merely piss off the other driver and not be rear-ended in the process.

There is a police version of the "brake check" known as the "screen test". A "screen test" typically happens when the cop has a particularly obnoxious arrestee in the back seat. Once the cop has had enough of the moron's attitude, he or she will slam on their brakes, hard. Because the arrestee is handcuffed with their hands behind the back, they can't brace themselves against the forward momentum and they end up slamming their face on the screen that separates the front seat from the back in a cop car. Hence, the name "screen test".

After performing the screen test, the cop says something like, "Oooops! A dog just ran out in front of the car!"

Works like a charm every time in improving an obnoxious person's attitude.

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