At the Bookstore

While browsing at the bookstore not too long ago, I checked out the section devoted to relationships and sex. Without exception, the books about romantic relationships in general all assumed that everyone was in, or desired, a monogamous relationship. No other options were considered. Oh, sure, there were the ubiquitous books lamenting extramarital affairs, mainly geared toward the "innocent" spouse. But there were none that even remotely entertained the idea that anyone, either legally married or single, would wish to have openly nonmongamous relationships, either casual or serious. There are a limited number of sympathetic books available about polyamory, swinging, and general libertinism, but one is not likely to encounter such books in small town bookstores. Surprisingly, though, I once encountered "The Ethical Slut" in a local bookstore, but usually such frankly politically incorrect books must be ordered online.

Moving on to the sexuality bookshelf, the situation is generally better, though mostly geared toward the mechanics of sex, rather than the type and variety of one's partners. I picked up a book called, "Sex Without Guilt in the 21st Century" by Dr. Albert Ellis, fully expecting it to be another ho-hum book advising monogamous married partners how to spice up their dull sex lives with a few new positions. When I noticed that this book was an update from the 1958 original (how old was this Ellis guy, anyway?), I had little hopes for anything other than the same dreary advice that was repeated, ad nauseum, in the relationship books. Well, I was wrong. Though the quaint, dated writing style hadn't been updated much, Dr. Ellis' viewpoints were anything but dated. In addition to writing sympathetically about nonmarital sex, gay relationships, and various other situations, the 91 year old Ellis took the refreshing position that "sexual adventuring", i.e. libertinism, was not necessarily immoral nor unethical. It made me wonder why I've never heard of Ellis before -- why hasn't the religious right taken pot shots at him for openly advocating that a variety of sexual choices are both healthy and desirable?

I'd be curious to find an original 1958(the year I was born!) edition of this book, to see if he'd been this frank back then about his viewpoints and his own libertinism, which he alludes to in the current edition.

Back to the books......