Tightwad

One of the guys I worked with years ago on the police force was a real tightwad. He was a bachelor until his mid-fifties, and had continued living with his parents until they died, when he inherited his childhood home.

His parents had never charged him rent, and he'd also been quite successful with his stock market investments. So, with his lack of major living expenses, combined with his police salary and stock income, he was in a very comfortable financial situation.

You would have never known just how well-off he was by looking at the cars he drove, however. In all the time I worked with him, he never drove anything but junkers on their last wheels. He once told me he'd never paid any more than five hundred dollars for a car, and he never would.

He'd drive the hell out of these old bombs until they inevitably broke down. Unfazed, he'd simply leave them where they died, removing the license plates, then go buy another one. I saw this pattern repeated several times in the decade I worked with him.

One time, he had a car that would not go in reverse. When asked what would he do if he ever had to back up somewhere, he replied that he made sure to park in places where he'd not have to back up, adding that this wasn't his first car with this particular type of malfunction.

In another car, he had grass growing on the back seat. When he'd bought the car, there was a lot of dirt in the seat that he'd not bothered cleaning out. This car had reverse, so he could park anywhere, and he usually chose a sunny spot. When summer came, his back seat started sprouting grass, which he left undisturbed.

One time he bought a car with broken windshield wipers. This wasn't a problem for him until one Friday when there was a torrential downpour. I remember standing in the doorway of the station, watching him pull out of the parking lot with his left arm out the window, wrapped around the windshield, moving up and down in a wiping motion.

As one who has always driven the best car I could afford, I just watched him, shaking my head, not believing that anyone could be that cheap when they didn't have to be.