Cats Are Democrats, Dogs Are Republicans

Looking at the typical personalities of cats and dogs, I've always thought that cats are Democrats, while dogs are Republicans. I'm not sure whether this also transfers over to pet preferences among Democrats and Republicans -- do Dems prefer cats and Reps prefer dogs, on the whole?

Following is a list of typical traits of the average cat and the average dog that seem to fit my idea:

Cats

Can't be herded, they are natural nonconformists

Are individualists; they follow the beat of their own drummer

Are harmless when left to themselves

Think of their humans as equals

Prefer a clean evironment

Live and let live

Dogs

Are pack animals; they respect authority

Dogs don't think outside the box

When one starts barking, all the others join in.

Worship their humans

Make a mess wherever they go

Nose into everyone's business

Bitchy Kitty

My female cat is twelve years old now. And the older she gets, the more crotchety she becomes.

She has a bad habit of perching on the narrow ledge of windows in the house; the place where the upper and lower windows meet. She's OK there, as long as she's awake and alert. However, she tends to fall asleep on that narrow ledge, contorted into a weird position. And no sooner than she fully relaxes and drifts off to sleep than she tends to fall from her perch, hitting the floor (or the kitchen counter if she's in that window) with a resounding thump.

You'd think she'd learn and find another place to sleep where she'd be more secure. But that is something you'd be wrong about. No matter how many times she falls out of the window, she goes right back to it, only to fall again a few minutes later. I've done all I can to persuade her to perch elsewhere, but she won't even consider it. If I move her somewhere else, she'll just run right back to the damned window.

The other day she fell out of the window and I suddenly heard her hissing and spitting. I looked to see if the tom was hassling her, but he wasn't even in the room. She's fallen from the kitchen window right into a half eaten borwl of soup I'd left on the counter and she was dripping wet. The bowl was a disposable cardboard bowl, so she'd not hurt herself with glass shards.

She was just royally pissed off at me for leaving the soup there and for getting all wet. When I approached her to make sure she wasn't hurt, she just gave me a look that could kill and hissed emphatically at me. If she could have spoke, she'd have told me to clean up the damned mess, already.

By this time, the tom came into the kitchen to see what the hell was wrong with her and she hissed at him, too, for good measure.

Have any of you ever had your cats to verbally complain at you in this manner before?

The Cat House

When Bob Walker and Frances Mooney moved into their current home with their five cats in the late 1980s, they decided to modify their home to make it a more cat-friendly environment.

They started with a floor-to-ceiling scratching column covered in 395 feet of pink-dyed sisal and connected to a wall-to-wall beam just below ceiling height.

“Initially, the cats would run full speed down the hall chasing each other, go up and over the top of the two couches and climb up the column and race along the beam and hit a dead end where it connected to the wall," says Walker.

To solve this problem, they extended the beams through the walls, running them from room to room to create 140 feet of cat pathways. They added more roaming space with ramps and staircases.

These walkways lead to ceiling-high hiding-holes and lookout stations, because as Walker explained, “everyone knows cats like to look down on us.”

Walker and Mooney have written a book that goes into more detail about their pet friendly home modifications, which is entitled The Cat's House.

There's Not a Roach Motel Big Enough To Handle This

Most people worry about having mice or roaches in their kitchens.

But a Florida woman came home the other night to find an alligator in hers. The eight foot gator had come into the house by busting through her sliding screen door, then walked through the house to where she found it in the kitchen.

When she called 911, the dispatcher didn't believe her at first, asking whether what she'd seen was really an iguana. When animal control officers arrived, they were able to remove the alligator without incident. No one was hurt, except for the gator who had a minor cut when it broke a plate after knocking it off a table.

Wheelchairs For Pets

While browsing the net today, I found a website, Eddie's Wheels, which is a business devoted to making wheelchairs for handicapped pets with disabilities of various kinds, both temporary and permanent.

I've seen many pets over the years who have lost the use of their rear legs or lost multiple limbs who were otherwise healthy, who nonetheless had to be put down.

The founder of Eddie's Wheels started this business when his own dog lost her mobility due to disc disease. He devised and built a dogcart for her that would allow her explore the woods, wade in the river, and play with other dogs, as she had always done. Fortunately, her disabilities were temporary, and she later regained the full use of her legs, her recovery no doubt hastened by the cart that allowed her to get around.

Now, he builds pet wheelchairs, individually designed for each client, according to the pet's size and type of disability.

It's a great idea that allows many disabled pets to live a normal life to old age, who wouldn't have had a chance before. I wish I'd thought of it.

Bad Cats

Both my cats have had wild hairs this week, with both instances of their misbehavior centering on my computer.

A few days ago, I was sitting here using the computer and the big, clumsy-ass tom cat jumped on the computer table then leaped to the tower, missing it and going over the side. Unfortunately, he took the tower along with him, which flipped itself upside down before landing on the floor on its head.

Oddly enough, even though the front panel popped off and the side came open a bit, nothing was unplugged. When I picked it up and replaced it on the table, it was even still online, with everything still working. I was able to pop the front panel back on, though I'll have to use electrical tape to keep the side completely closed again.

The cat knew he'd done wrong and immediately ran and hid somewhere in the house, staying out of sight for several hours.

The next day, I was out for several hours and when I came back, I opened the front door to hear "beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep". I found the female cat sitting ON TOP of the keyboard, which was wrapped in a garbage bag so that it wouldn't get fried if she happened to throw up on it like she'd done to my previous keyboard a few weeks earlier.

I yelled, "NO!" and removed her from her perch. After I set her down elsewhere, she just walked right back to where she'd been and plopped herself back down and the beeping resumed. I ended up having to set the keyboard up on its side, wedged between the tower and monitor, when I went back out. So far, she's shown no more interest in it.

Feel free to tell me about some of the crap your cats and dogs have done in your house.

Cat Humor

You suck!


You will pay, as God is my witness, you will pay.


Go fuck yourself!


I don't think I like you anymore.

Working Cats

Feral cats in Los Angeles now have a better alternative than euthanization when picked up by the humane society. Previously, feral cats had little chance of leaving the shelters alive because they usually cannot be sufficiently re-domesticated enough to be suitable pets.

Recently, the LAPD, along with the animal welfare group, Voice for the Animals, instituted a Working Cats program that uses such cats to combat the rampant rat infestation in their various facilities.

Everywhere the cats have been placed, they've effectively ended the rodent problem. Though the cats kill whatever rats and mice they are able to catch, the problem is solved mainly by scent. The rodents become aware of the feline presence by the smell of the cats and their urine -- and simply move on to areas with less cat density.

In areas where the cats have been placed, officers have been assigned to feed and care for them, which supplements their rodent diet.

It's a humane solution all around: the cats are saved from starvation or euthanization and the rats are spared more grisly methods of control, such as glue traps.

It's a great idea that should be imitated in other cities wherever rodent problems exist.

Thoughts?
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Working Cats

"Sticky" Mousetraps Are Inhumane

Recently a coworker mentioned a problem with mice getting into his house. I suggested he get a cat, as I've not had that problem since I've had cats. He said his wife didn't like cats and was afraid of the traditional snap traps, so he was going to buy some of those sticky traps, also known as glueboard traps.

I'm totally against sticky traps. Unlike the snap trap, where the mouse dies instantly by having its neck broken, a mouse caught by a sticky trap dies a slow, agonizing death. As mammals, they feel pain just as humans and dogs and cats would. Trapped mice struggling to free themselves pull out their own hair, exposing bare, raw areas of skin. Mice typically break or even bite off their own legs, and the glue causes their eyes to become badly irritated and scarred. After three to five hours in the glue traps, the mice defecate and urinate heavily because of their severe stress and fear, and quickly became covered with their own excrement. Those whose faces become stuck in the glue slowly suffocate, and all trapped animals are subject to starvation and dehydration.

Laws against inhumane treatment of animals typically don't include rodents such as mice and rats, thus inhumane methods of controlling them are legal. Many veterinarians have spoken out against this barbaric means of pest control and suggest alternate methods. These methods include traps that simply capture, but don't kill them so that they can be later released somewhere outside. Snap traps are also a better choice, as death comes quickly without suffering. And, then of course, there's the option of cats, which goes along with the cycle of nature.

I urge everyone to boycott the use of sticky traps and choose one of the methods suggested above, instead.

Dolphins Save a Man's Life

Surfer Todd Endris owes his life to a group of quick-thinking dolphins.

On August 28, while surfing in Monterey, California, Endris was suddenly attacked by a great white shark. The shark attacked him three times, hampered by the surf board Endris was on. But it managed to peel the skin off his back and mangle one of Endris' legs during the repeated attacks, though he was able to fight the shark by kicking it with his other foot.

At this point, a pod of dolphins appeared and surrounded Endris in a protective ring, which caused the shark to break off the attack. The dolphins' protection allowed Endris to get back on his board and to make his way to shore, where first aid was given while waiting for the helicopter which evacuated him to a hospital.

Six weeks later, Endris was well enough to return to surfing, though he is still undergoing physical therapy to repair the muscle damage he endured in the attack.

The behavior of the dolphins is not unusual -- there are countless cases of dolphins acting to protect humans in the water from marine predators, usually sharks. Sharks fear dolphins, which allows the dolphins to effectively help humans.

For some reason, dolphins like humans. They commonly follow ships at sea; hoping for a handout, I'm guessing. I remember my father telling me that one of his favorite activities was to watch the dolphins who followed his aircraft carrier when he was at sea during WWII.

As for me, if I ever go to Florida, the first thing I want to do is to go to one of those places where they let you swim with the dolphins. If any of my readers has done this, I'd like to hear about it.

Quotes to Think About

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
— A. Whitney Brown

Die, plants, die!

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
— George Bernard Shaw

It's all in how you look at it.

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
— Albert Camus

Autumn beats spring because the leaves come multicolored then, instead of just in green.

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
— Isaac Newton

Argue the point, don't insult the person

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
— Plato

Everyone has their crosses to bear; no one is perfect

In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait.
— Jose Simon

Works for me!

I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.
— Anna Quindlen

I wholeheartedly agree.

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
- William Butler Yeats

Education isn't an end; it's a process. The more you know, the more you should want to learn.

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
--David Dunham

Work smarter, not harder

The only normal people are the
ones you don't know very well.
--Joe Ancis

Everyone has their own peculiar quirks.

Cats know how to obtain
food without labor, shelter
without confinement, and
love without penalties.
--W.L. George

I think I want to be a cat in my next life!

Another Two Cents on the Vick Case

I thought I was through with ranting about the Michael Vick case, but after listening to Neal Boortz tonight, I've got to throw in my two cents yet again.

A caller to the show said they hoped that Vick would get a lifetime ban from the NFL. Boortz disagreed, saying that such a punishment would be too harsh, that he couldn't understand why his likely punishment of a year in jail and the loss of income from the NFL wouldn't be sufficient.

He noted that Vick would be losing a year's playing time while sitting in prison only getting to "watch football on TV", and not getting to play. He went on to bemoan the "tens of millions of dollars" Vick would lose while being incarcerated. Boortz was also concerned about how Vick would manage to make a living if he couldn't play for the NFL anymore.

Cry me a river, Neal. For one thing, in just a few years, Vick has made more money than the average person could ever hope to make in a lifetime. If he's pissed all of those millions away and not invested large portions of that money, then it's on him. Boortz would certainly spare no sympathy for the average non-famous person who was out of a job and/or sent to prison and who had failed to save for a rainy day. He'd simply call those people "losers" as he is so often wont to do when referring to the average down-and-outer.

Similarly, I doubt Boortz would worry about how the average criminal was going to make a living once leaving prison and facing the typical employment discrimination the average ex-con faces. I'd tell Vick the same thing Boortz would tell Joe Schmo the parolee, "If you can't do the time, then don't do the crime".

Let's get one thing straight. Michael Vick isn't the victim here. He killed helpless dogs by torturing them to death in a particularly cruel and heinous fashion. Some people might say that they were only dogs, but psychological studies have shown time and time again that people who abuse animals are quite likely to move on and eventually do the same to humans. If Vick had been arrested only for the gambling, I'd not have a problem with his reinstatement to the NFL after he'd done his time and/or paid his fines.

But Michael Vick isn't your garden-variety pro-sports miscreant; he's an extremely sick individual. I have absolutely no sympathy for him and I don't give a flying fuck about his football career or his millions of dollars. He did this to himself and he threw away his privileged position as a professional football player. No one did this to him. His return to the NFL would be an insult to the NFL, to the fans, and to other football players.

Thoughts?

Thoughts on the Michael Vick Case

Today, while out driving, I was listening to a sports talk show discussing the Michael Vick case. Vick, a quarterback for the Falcons was recently indicted, along with three others, for actions involving cruelty to animals and other crimes relating to staging dogfights.

The 18 page indictment summarizes the charges thusly: "In or about April of 2007, Peace, Phillips and Vick executed approximately eight dogs that did not perform well in 'testing' sessions at 1915 Moonlight Road by various methods, including hanging, drowning and slamming at least one dog's body to the ground." One female dog, after losing a fight was executed by being wetted down with water and then electrocuted.

Those who promote dog fights test pups to see if they'll make good fighting dogs. The dogs are put in an enclosed area to see how they react. Then, they incite the dogs, attempting to anger them. If a dog acts aggressively toward another dog, they are then used for fighting in the future. But if a dog is timid, it is useless. Some fighters give away pups unsuitable for fighting. Others simply kill the peaceful dogs.

"If you want to kill a dog, why exert the energy to slam him into the ground or drown him? Why not just shoot him, which is the most common method?" said John Goodwin, dogfighting expert for the Humane Society of the United States. "That is insane. These guys, if they did that, have serious problems."

Amazingly enough, one guy on the radio show was trying to rationalize these heinous actions. He attempted to excuse the killings by speculating that such dogs might have been too badly injured after a fight and that they simply "felt sorry" for the dogs and were simply putting them out of their misery.

Give me a fucking break! If they "felt sorry" for the dogs and cared about them not suffering, then they'd not be engaging in dog fighting in the first place! Secondly, as John Goodwin mentioned above, you don't humanely put a suffering dog down by torturing it to death.

There is nothing that can excuse the behavior of the ones who tortured these helpless animals. If Vick and his cohorts are found guilty, they need to be thrown into prison to rot for a very long time -- it's just too bad that the penalty for these sickos won't be anything close to what it would be if they'd done this to human beings.

The dogfighting charges carry a possible sentence of only one year in prison, a $100,000 fine or both. I would hope that the NFL will also put a lifetime ban on him and that he will never again be allowed to play professional football.

As far as I'm concerned, that's not enough, but it's the best we can expect.

Thoughts?

Rambling About My Cats

I share my home with two cats. I can't say that I "own" them -- it's more like they own me. Until five years ago, I kept one cat at a time. I took in my second cat when his former human was moving and had intended to take him to the pound if no one wanted him.

Though the original cat was more than a little miffed when I came home with another cat, she's adjusted to his presence with acceptance, though sometimes that acceptance is decidedly grudging. She's never forgotten that she was here first, and will sometimes remind the tom of that fact, especially if she thinks he's overstepping his boundaries. On rare occasions, I find them curled up together, but more often than not, she'll growl if he comes too near and if she's having the cat version of PMS, she'll reach out and swipe him with her paw. Most of the time, he'll just good-naturedly take it, despite being three times her size. But sometimes, when he's bored and gets a wild hair, he'll chase her around the house just to fuck with her, to which she responds to with screeching and more growling. Unfortunately, he tends to get those wild hairs when I'm in bed wanting to sleep. More on this later.

For the most part, both cats prefer their humans to each other. Both cats want to be wherever I am in the house. If I'm on the computer, they're on the tables next to it. The female cat will sometimes jump on my shoulder and sit there as I'm surfing the net. If I'm watching TV, one or both is sitting on the couch, on my lap, watching with me. They'll sit on the toilet and wait as I take a shower -- hell, I've had one jump on my lap and sit there while I'm on the toilet taking a dump!

Right now, both cats are sitting on either side of the computer, on tables, waiting for me to get up and feed them. I feed them every night just before I go to bed, so that they won't wake me up early in the morning begging for food. There's nothing more guaranteed to instantly turn me into a crabby bastard than waking me before I'm ready to get up. Of course, there is one exception to that -- if I've got a woman in bed with me who needs some early morning "attention". That I will happily make an exception for, but, even then, I prefer to roll back over and conk out again afterwards.

But I digress. Back to the cats. If I wait too long to feed them, they'll let me know to get off my lazy ass and feed them. The female cat used to knock things off the table to get my attention, but, nowadays, she leaves the tom to do the dirty work. He'll pull out his full arsenal of annoying behavior, designed to get my attention: he's got a deep-throated, loud, caterwauling meow he'll use only for this purpose that I call the "feed me" meow. If that doesn't do the trick, he'll become more annoying, with the tactic he chooses depending on what I'm doing at the time. He'll mess with the female cat setting off her meows and growls, run around the house jumping on and off things, walk in front of the computer screen, jump onto my lap, jump hard onto the bed, and so on. He's even knocked pictures off the wall a time or two. He'll keep it up until he gets his point across.

Last night, he really pissed off both me and my son. I'd fed both cats and both my son and I went to bed. Apparently, the cats didn't like the food I'd given them, because neither of them would eat it, despite the fact I'd given them that very kind several times in the past. No matter. They turned up their noses at it and walked off. When the tom realized I'd gone to bed and food more to their liking was not to be forthcoming, the tom decided to fuck with the female cat to get me out of bed. He chased her around the house, knocking things over, with her screeching. Telling them to shut up had no effect. They'd stop for a few minutes, then be back at it again.

Finally, my son had enough and he got up, got dressed and went out and got them a different brand of cat food, just so we could get some sleep. It did the trick, fortunately. I fell asleep, later than what I wanted, and awhile later, I felt one of the cats crawl into bed to sleep with me. I have one or both cats sleep with me every night, even when I'm sharing my bed with a woman; but on those nights, I keep them out until we're ready to actually go to sleep.

I've always had pets since childhood, though I've not had any dogs since I was a kid, mainly because dogs need more attention than cats do. Despite them occasionally being pains in the ass, they give so much more than they inconvenience me and I can't imagine living without them.

Time to go feed them and go to bed.

What Small Children and Dogs Have In Common

Those of us who have been parents know for certain that humans are more like the lower animals, in this case, dogs, that we'd care to admit. Anyone who has lived with a toddler knows that their eating habits have one key thing in common with our canine friends: they'll both put nearly anything in their mouths.

When I was about three or four years old, I remember eating an entire bottle of children's orange flavored aspirin. Back in those days, there was no such thing as a "child-proof" cap, so parents had to make sure to keep medicine out of the hands of children. My mother had put the medical supplies in the topmost shelf in the kitchen, thinking they'd be safe there. Well, she badly underestimated me. I simply pushed a kitchen chair over to the counter and used that to climb on top of the counter, where I now could easily reach the top cabinet. I gobbled the orange aspirins down like candy. I guess it didn't hurt me any; I never told my parents about it until years later.

I also remember eating library paste, grass, Play-Doh, pet food, etc. I once knew a kid who tasted their dog's shit, but, fortunately, I never sank quite to that level.

Compare this to what my childhood dog ate: crayons, a ball of yarn, paper, an earring. I remember that he whirled himself in circles trying to crap out the string of yarn and that after he ate the crayons, his shit looked like a chocolate chip cookie with M&Ms in it.

My son would pick up stuff from the sidewalk and try to eat it; used gum, bottle caps, and so on. One time he got hold of a cigarette butt and swallowed it before I could get it away from him. I rammed my finger down his throat until he puked it up, and he didn't get sick from it, amazingly enough.

Let's hear some of your experiences with what your dogs and small children ate.

Antsy Tomcat

My cats have been driving me insane lately. I normally feed them just before going to bed, so that they don't wake me up earlier than I want to get up. In the last week, however, this tactic has no longer been working.

Before I can even get to sleep, the tomcat goes after the female, chasing her, cornering her, and generally just hassling her. She typically responds by growling/hissing at him, swiping him with her paws, or just running away. Running away just eggs him on more, and he often ends up chasing her around the house, with both of them knocking things over as they go.

Naturally, this keeps me from falling asleep in the first place. Yelling at them has no effect, nor does chasing the tom from the female. No sooner than I return to bed than he starts in again.

This is fairly new behavior for him. Normally, once he's eaten, he's ready to lay down and sack out for the night. If he were human, I chalk up his antsiness to being horny. At least that's how I act when it's been too long since I've gotten laid. But he's fixed, so I can't really attribute his behavior to simply being horny. As far as I know, neutered animals don't retain their libidos, though I could be wrong.

I hope this is just a phase he's going through and I don't have to go through this crap every night before I can go to sleep.

Update: Saving a Life

Tonight, I found out that the injured cat I took to the veterinarian not only survived, but is doing fine and should have a normal life.

Even better than that, one of my coworkers is planning to adopt her.

It was the best news I've heard in a long time.

After work tonight, I went to the clinic to visit with her and I found a much different cat than the one I left there last night. She recognized me, meowing as I came over to her cage. They let me hold her and she purred as I petted and spoke to her.

I'm glad fate put me in a position to save her life.

Aiding a Cat

Last night, as I was leaving work, I saw a small cat in the road. It had been hit, but I could see that it was still alive. I parked my car and ran over to it, then carefully picked it up to carry it out of the road. If I'd left it there, another car would have soon come along and finished the job.

I laid the cat on the grass, where I could see that its body wasn't crushed, but there was a small amount of blood around the mouth. And it was obviously in distress making movements similar to when a cat has a hairball. However, the cat responded to me when I spoke to it and perked up a bit every time I petted it.

I called the police, hoping they'd be able to take it to the animal shelter where it could either be medically attended to or mercifully euthanized if the damage was too bad. Unfortunately, when the officer arrived he said there wasn't any way to access the animal shelter at this time of night. He didn't think the cat would live, but as he said that, the cat stood up for a moment, as if to mock him.

He did tell me there was an all night veterinary clinic in town, but that he'd not be able to take the cat. I said that I'd do it, as I couldn't just let the cat suffer.

When I got to the clinic, they promised me they'd save the cat if it was possible or peacefully put it to sleep if not.

I gave the cat one last pet, before I left it in the care of the clinic.

I hope the little guy makes it.

Animals?

Several years ago, my stepmother got rather worked up when she overheard me telling my son that human beings were animals, quickly interjecting that this wasn't so.

The reason for her indignation was religious; her literal belief that human being were "created in the image of God" necessarily precluded the possibility of human beings being animals. Along with a disbelief in evolution, she believed this set human beings apart from all other life on this planet, just as surely as if we'd been aliens who came from another world to settle on Earth.

Yes, human beings have distinct differences from all other animals: our self-awareness, our intelligence and ability for complex reasoning, our larger capacity for individuality, our ability to use both spoken and written language, our ability to alter our environment to suit our needs, to name a few. For those who believe in God, surely these attributes are what is meant by the "image of God", rather than our physical bodies.

Recent scientific studies in genetics and DNA have shown that we humans share about 98 percent of our DNA in common with our closest primate relatives, which is sufficient proof to me that human beings are indeed animals. Darwin had it right on the nose, even without the DNA evidence to back him up.

As for me, personally, the sex act in particular leaves me in no doubt whatsoever that I am an animal. Though I'm capable of being civilized and "making love", the best sex for me is a raw, primal act of mating when the thin veneer of civilization is stripped away and I give myself over completely to my animal nature.

The way I see it, life on Earth has two basic choices -- one is either a plant or an animal.

Thoughts?

Any Port in a Storm

Now, that's what I call making the best use of what's available! Any port in a storm and all that.