Just When You Think You've Heard Everything

In police work, just when you think you’ve heard it all, something always happens to remind you that you haven’t.

Not long after I’d joined the force, I was assigned to work the desk one evening. Not much was happening that night, so I was sitting there reading a magazine, when a worried looking couple in their 30s came in.

Looking around nervously to make sure no one was listening, they came up to me and asked if they could talk with me privately. After I asked them what the problem was, they explained that they were dating and were planning to take a trip to Hawaii. They were worried whether they would be arrested for fornication if they checked into a motel together and shared a room, especially if the room was bugged.

It took every bit of self control I could muster to keep from laughing my ass off in front of them. At first, I thought this was some kind of practical joke that another officer might have arranged to pull on me, but I soon realized that they were dead serious. It dawned on me that they had to be a little “off” to have even come down to the police station to ask such a ridiculous question.

Resisting an urge to tell them that I'd have to be locked up forever if such a thing were possible and that more jails would have to be built to hold all the people who would be joining me, I told them to forget about it and to enjoy their trip. They thanked me and left, still not quite convinced.

Once I was sure they’d left the building, I gave in to my urge to laugh, knowing that my fellow officers wouldn’t believe me when I told them about this couple.

Police work is serious business, many times touched by tragedy. But just as often, it is a job involving humor as well. We hear so much of the tragic events; I thought I’d share an absurd one and give my readers a chuckle.

Hotlanta Kink Test

Congratulations!
Your Hotlanta Kink Test score was 510!

Here is the chart so that you can see how you are rated:

100 or less You need to lighten up and live a little!
101 to 200 You have an average sex life in need of kink.
201 to 300 You have sweet hints of a kinky nature.
301 to 400 You are definitely a kinky player.
401 to 500 You are a major league kinkster!
501 to 600 Wow! You're too kinky for most!!!
601 or more SUPER FREAK ALERT! You da BOMB!
The maximum score for this test is 700.

Take this test at:

http://www.hotlanta.com/

Libertines on Animated TV Shows

At least two popular animated TV shows geared to adult viewers have regular libertine characters.

“Family Guy“, has a libertine character, Glen Quagmire, who is a friend of the main character, Peter Griffin.

A profile of him that I found on a “Family Guy” website describes this character:

Quagmire is the next door neighbor of the Griffins and a bachelor. He spends most of his free time chatting up women and then sleeping with them in his love nest. He works at the Quahog Airport as a pilot, and has secret feelings for Lois, the wife of his best friend.

“King of the Hill” is unique in that it has two different libertine characters:

The first is the mush-mouthed Boomhauer, who is quite similar to Quagmire from “Family Guy”. A “King of the Hill” website describes him as:

Boomhauer is known for liking fast cars and fast women.

I remember one episode where we see Boomhauer’s house, which is decorated in stereotypical bachelor pad style down to the leopard print bedspread. In this same episode, the main character, Hank Hill, is worried that Boomhauer will seduce Hank’s impressionable young adult niece, Luann, who had a crush on Boomhauer. (He didn’t, as I recall.)

The second libertine on “King of the Hill” is John Redcorn, whom the same website described as:

John Redcorn is Nancy Gribble’s Native American masseur; he is also her ex-lover from a 14 year affair and the biological father of her son, Joseph Gribble. Nancy's husband, Dale, and Joseph are both completely unaware of this, although this fact is obvious to everyone else in the series. John Redcorn is a Native American rights activist of the Anasazi tribe, and "licensed new age healer". He tries to reach out to Joseph and instill a sense of pride in him, even though Joseph often rejects him.

Up until the episode where they have John and Nancy break up, this had been a relationship both had been totally satisfied and happy with, with her husband in oblivious bliss. I suspect that the episode was written in response to viewer complaints; people who couldn’t abide seeing a functional, successful long-term non-monogamous relationship without those involved having to “pay the piper”.

In this episode, Hank Hill’s naïve wife, Peggy, who is Nancy’s friend, finally caught on to the true nature of Nancy’s relationship with John. Peggy confronts Nancy, who admits that she’s just not monogamous, and that she cares for both men, but in different ways. It’s too bad that it couldn’t have simply ended with Peggy learning how to mind her own business and by maybe learning something about different strokes for different folks, but the show had the predictable ending of breaking John and Nancy up. However, it didn’t cover whether Joseph would ever learn who his true father was.

Redcorn’s libertinism is underscored elsewhere, when Peggy goes to see him in a professional capacity as a massage therapist. Hank is frantic when he finds out where Peggy has gone, as John’s reputation for seducing women is well known in their small town (Well known, that is, to everyone but Peggy Hill and Dale Gribble).

To sum up, Quagmire and Boomhauer are allowed to be libertines, but they are presented as faintly ludicrous and pathetic. And John Redcorn ended up having to pay the piper.

We now are commonly seeing gay characters on TV portrayed in a realistic fashion, perhaps we’ll one see libertine characters on TV also presented in a matter of fact way, without there always having to be the a moral to the story.

Sex vs, Trick or Treating

Ok, I'm feeling lazy again today. I found this on another blog and thought it was amusing and relevant to the season, even though I still think sex is better than trick or treating! Enjoy!

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2) Less guilt the morning after.

1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!

(Erm, I DO do the whole neighborhood and I sometimes go next door. Guilt?Don't make me laugh! And forty years from now, I'll most likely be DEAD, not enjoying sex or candy...though you never know! I could be an 86 year old Dirty Old Man chasing after women with a chocolate bar in one hand! Heh, heh, heh!)

My Blog Got Hit By a Cyber-Evangelist

This morning when I went to check my blogs for comments, I found a new comment on my explicit blog. Always appreciating feedback, I clicked to open the comments and found a novel-length response, longer than my entry. Much to my surprise, it was what amounted to a religious cyber-tract.

I was informed that if I didn’t change my sinning ways (and join his particular brand of Christianity, no doubt) that I was doomed -- doomed, I tell you! -- to have a one way ticket on the hand basket to hell! He proceeded to back up his rant with several Bible verses plucked out of context, obviously never considering that I might have actually read the Bible for myself at some point in my life.

I hate to tell him, but his visit to my site was a total waste of time. I happen to like being who and what I am, and have no desire to be anything other than myself. I do not seek to convert others to my way of life, knowing that people are capable to decide for themselves how they wish to live. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

If I ever feel the need for spiritual guidance, I am quite capable of seeking it out on my own, and don’t need anyone pushing their particular beliefs on me.

More amused than angry, I simply deleted his comment, and went to visit his website to see what he was all about. It seems that he feels as if he’s been chosen by God to witness to all us misguided “sinners” on the net and to point us to the “one true way” out of our lives of licentiousness.

If the comments I read there were any indication, he spends quite a bit of time trolling websites and leaving his judgments behind, with little time spent turning religious beliefs into actual practice. And many of these comments were quite telling of how extreme his beliefs are, as he’d gone to the websites of devout Jews and Catholics, as well as us garden-variety sexual nonconformists, and left his little bombs on such sites as well.

I knew I was wasting my breath, but I couldn’t resist leaving a comment of my own on his site. I really didn’t comment for his benefit, but more for the many angry people leaving comments on his site.

Here’s the comment I left on his site:

I checked my blog and found your cyber tract waiting for me. And I'm not angry.......I'm amused.

You're barking up the wrong tree with me, son. I am a libertine by conscious choice and philosophy and have been since first becoming sexually active in the mid 1970s. I am honest and open about who and what I am, and every woman I am involved with knows this up front and is given the opportunity to walk away from me. I'm not ashamed of what I do, so I see no need for subterfuge or deception.

My ethics demand that anything I engage in be between fully consenting adults. I sleep well at night, because my conscience is clear. I am quite happy and satisfied being a "sinner", thank you very much. But I don't try to convert others to living as I do, knowing that people are quite capable for themselves to decide how they want to live. It would be presumptuous for me to do so.

My spiritual beliefs are limited to "treat others as you would wish to be treated" and "don't judge others unless you are willing to be judged in return". Very simple and basic.

I don't expect you to agree, of course, but then again, you have to decide what works for you.....but you should allow others the same courtesy.

The religious people that I respect are those who go about their lives quietly *living* their beliefs......faith in action....and who never preach to others. These people can be found helping out in soup kitchens, working with kids at the Y, being nurses, police officers, and so on.

People who constantly *talk* about religion and who go about judging others don't impress me in the slightest. Talk is, indeed, cheap.

Don't SELL religion.......quietly LIVE it.

The world would be much better off if more religious people did so.

Now, back to my life of debauchery......

Libertine.

Personality Type and Libertinism

I’ve been fascinated by the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator for many years, and I’ve done a good bit of reading about it. Not surprisingly, I’ve taken a particular interest in how type relates to sexual attitudes and practices. From all what I’ve read, it’s generally agreed that the SP cluster, ESFP in particular, is the type most likely to be non monogamous, but from what I’ve gathered, it’s usually the more common unthinking type of non monogamy, and not the intentionally entered into libertinism by philosophy.

But all that is beyond the scope of this particular blog entry. Because I am an INTP (see earlier blog entries for just what that means!), I will focus on the INTP view of sexuality.

Following are excerpts taken from several INTP profiles I found online that I think are pertinent to libertinism in the INTP:

INTPs put great weight on being individuals and essentially different from other people, who they often view as being too alike and too interdependent.

If an INTP is pushed into doing something he will automatically resist. He must be given the chance to reach an independent decision, approving or rejecting the action.

The INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously. Honesty and directness when explaining these interests are usually displayed. INTPs detest facades and particularly dislike people who exhibit them.

In dreaming about what he would like to become or achieve, his goals are invariably highly individualistic.

General role models for INTPs are individualistic, creative and perhaps enigmatic people. Innovative free-thinkers who follow their own new paths are usually greatly respected.

The outward behaviour of an INTP can contrast strongly with his introspective world.

Sexuality fascinates INTPs in a similar way to music…Sexual feelings often clash with the INTPs desire to control and understand his universe.

INTP's natural approach to sexuality will have true-to-type elements. He will be keen to understand and categorise his sexual responses.

The "staying in love" phase is where INTPs start to evaluate the relationship's structure and form.

INTPs may ignore social conventions, not feeling bound by the "illogical" rules of society. To an observer, INTPs can seem emotionally cold. From the INTPs' perspective, they are simply applying logical principles to their own behavior.

They can be insensitive to what other people want or expect from a relationship.

INTPs have more simple needs from interpersonal relationships than most other types have and are not overly demanding in personal relationships.

INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into… having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations.

Their minds are constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories…ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining their own approach to the resolution. They seek patterns and logical explanations for anything that interests them.

INTPs are motivated to examine universal truths and principles...always asking "Why?" and "Why not?"

If INTPs don't like a rule, they’re quick to challenge it and find flaws in it -- this could make an INTP somewhat of a rebel.

They are likely to ignore any rules, people or tasks they consider trivial. INTPs are usually not good with relationships. They are intensely private, and very hard to get to know. INTPs won't share their deepest feelings with just anyone. They dislike and distrust authority, only respecting knowledge

The INTP is usually very independent, unconventional, and original. They are not likely to place much value on traditional goals such as popularity and security. They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways.

In his book, Please Understand Me II, David Keirsey had this to say about the NT (INTP, ENTP, INTJ, ENTJ) temperament cluster:

NTs often have a curious amorality concerning the generally-accepted standards of mating behavior. The rules and formalities of society have little pressure for them, but their own personal standards of conduct certainly do. Society’s seal of approval -- in the form of a church ceremony or marriage license -- means nothing to them.

The sexual ethics of NTs are carefully considered, and strictly adhered to, but may or may not conform to the general mores of sexual behavior current in any given time.

NTs allow no compromise when it comes to their own autonomy. They are the most self-directed and independent-minded of all the temperaments and they resist (and resent) all forces that would coerce them in acting against their own will, that would try to make them march to someone else’s drum… Their resistance hardens against social or moral expectations that are meant to control them, those rituals, manners, regulations, codes of conduct -- those shoulds and shouldn’ts -- that govern most social behavior. And this is just as true if the coercion comes from educational institutions, governmental institutions, business institutions, or from the institution of marriage.

The Language of Relationships

Quite often, the English language has not kept pace with current realities in our ever-evolving society. Take the language of relationships, for example.

When referring to the person with whom one is having an unmarried intimate relationship, the terms most overwhelmingly used are “boyfriend” or ”girlfriend”. These words are universally used, regardless of the age of those involved, circumstances, or type of relationship.

Am I the only one who finds the idea of a grown woman referring to a man in his 40s as her “boyfriend” to be totally ludicrous? Does anyone agree that a man who is not married to the mother of his children but refers to her simply as his “girlfriend” to be making more than a little bit of an understatement?

To me, the words “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” bring up visions of fifteen year olds “going steady”, exchanging class rings, and going to the prom. These terms are both absurd and inadequate to refer to adult relationships.

“Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” hearken back to a time when most people got married in their late teens and stayed married until death do us part. There weren’t enough unmarried adults in the many different types of relationships we see today to need having terms that described mature unmarried non platonic relationships.

Despite the fact that new words are routinely coined to reflect changing realities, the English language has not evolved much in the realm of relationships. From time to time, there have been attempts to address this lack of appropriate relationship terms, but such attempts haven’t succeeded to any great degree.

“Partner” enjoys some popularity in the gay community, but has not caught on among heterosexuals largely because many view this word as referring only to gay relationships, and others think it sounds too businesslike. “Significant other” is awkward to use, “paramour” sounds too hoity-toity, “fuckbuddy” is too blunt, and so on.

Personally, I prefer to use the word “lover”, because that’s what they are to me. I also will refer to lovers simply by their names, without explaining the type of relationship. Or I merely call them a “friend” and let the person I’m talking to figure out just what kind of friend they are to me on their own.

Thoughts?

Libertine FAQ

What is a libertine, anyway?

A person who espouses or practices libertinism (q.v.)., which is:

1. Defiance in thought, word, or deed of the prevailing sexual mores (q.v.).

2. Sexual activity as such -- that is, without unwelcome admixtures such as the violation of another's freedom -- conducted in rejection of what others think is proper as expressed in laws, social mores, or codes of religious purity; licentious sexual behavior. The pejorative tag is "liberty without virtue," although that tag falsely implies that all people who practice libertinism in this sense lack virtue.

3. The view that sexual intercourse outside of marriage is acceptable.

4. The view that one is morally free to engage in sexual activity without incurring marital obligation, whether first or afterwards, with as many willing people as one wishes.

Isn’t libertinism the same thing as promiscuity; being a slut?

Similar, yes. However, many libertines have actively chosen this lifestyle, unlike many promiscuous people who merely drift into such behavior without much conscious thought or choice. The difference in outlook being that, for many people, promiscuity is a manifestation of other issues going on in that person’s life, whereas, for the libertine, it is a matter of philosophy and a way of looking at the world that goes beyond mere sexual expression.

What’s the difference between a libertine and a sex addict?

Choice and control. The libertine has chosen sexual freedom with a clear conscience and is in control of with whom, when, where, and how they choose to have sex, whereas the sex addict is acting out of compulsion and feels much guilt. See my blog entry “Libertine vs. Sex Addict” (30 Aug) for a more in-depth comparison.

Are libertines polyamorous and/or swingers?

Though all three have sex with multiple partners, libertinism isn’t the same as polyamory or swinging. Both forms of non monogamy are too structured to be true libertinism, where the emphasis is on unrestrained sexuality.

Polyamory stresses love and generally involves limiting oneself to a set number of partners. Swinging, on the other hand, generally doesn’t limit the number of sex partners, but swingers are usually legally married and are emotionally monogamous.

Libertines do not like to limit themselves either emotionally or in their availability to having new lovers. Rather, libertines prefer to remain open to all possibilities.

Do libertines have long term love relationships? Or is it all about the sex?

Libertines can fall in love just like anyone else. Unlike monogamous people, who confine their sexual expression and romantic love to a single partner, libertine relationships run the full gamut of possibilities, usually with several, of different levels of intensity, going on simultaneously.

The types of relationships typically include one night stands, fuckbuddies, sexual friendships, and love relationships. There may be one or several of each type going on concurrently, though the typical pattern is to have fewer “in love” relationships and one night stands, and more fuckbuddies and sexual friendships. Fuckbuddies and sexual friends are quite similar, differing mainly in frequency and feelings. Fuckbuddies are now and then lovers, at the emotional level typical of acquaintances, where one may love (but not be “in love” with) a sexual friend and usually sees them on a more regular basis.

Of course, every libertine manages it differently; some are indeed, “all about the sex”, where others lean more toward the polyamorous end of the spectrum. Any way is good; the key component being individual preference.

Can one be a libertine and be celibate? Monogamous?

Yes. Being a libertine isn’t only about behavior; at the core, it is an attitude, a philosophy, a way of looking at the world.

Though no libertine wants to be celibate, sometimes libertines are obliged to be celibate by circumstance: sickness, old age, etc.

Similarly, there are those who might be married and have many unavoidable responsibilities and do not have the time to pursue libertinism at certain points in their lives.

There are active libertines, and there are also libertines merely by belief.

Do libertines make promises they don't intend to keep just to get someone into bed?

Jerks come in all types, libertines included. So, the less ethical among us might do that, but anyone who’s been successful as a libertine for any length of time has learned that honesty is the best policy and prevents most types of hassles.

What about STDs?

The first thing to remember is that all forms of sexual expression carry risks; the only thing that is 100% guaranteed to be safe is abstinence. And for nearly everyone, that isn’t a workable or acceptable option. That being said, it is true that those of us with active, non monogamous sex lives do have a greater risk of contracting STDs, and it is important for us to be aware of and practice safer sex methods, especially with new lovers and those of short duration.

Condom usage and periodic testing for STDs is important, as is taking some care in choosing partners. Of course, this isn’t foolproof, but it does reduce the likelihood.

Life itself comes with risks -- driving a car is risky, flying in a plane is risky, crossing a busy city street on foot is risky. Consenting adults all have to decide for themselves what is an acceptable level of risk to have in their lives, and then take responsibility for their choices and any such consequences that may result.

And again, honesty is essential. Before getting involved with us, potential new lovers deserve to know that we are not monogamous in order to be able to make an informed decision whether to consent to sexual involvement. Giving others the opportunity to assess their own personally acceptable risk level is the only ethical thing to do.

Questions and Answers, II

My blog entry “Libertine vs. Sex Addict” (8-30), was recently quoted on the Kiss N Tell Confessions blog.

http://kntconfessions.blog-city.com/read/835525.htm

My entry spoke to issues going on in that blogger’s life, and it served to generate more questions for her. I’ll try to briefly answer the questions she posed:

I still have some questions: Is it easier to be a male libertine? Does our society judge women's sexual decisions harsher than men's?

Though it is probably now easier for women to be open libertines than any other time in history, the double standard still tenaciously persists. Even the feminist movement has had mixed feelings when it comes to the idea of sexual freedom.

The roots of the double standard go back a very long time and are probably related to the establishment of monogamy, which has always been enforced more strictly on women than men.

Monogamy arose around the same time as the establishment of private property and the practice of inheritance. With the establishment of inheritance in a patriarchal society where inheritance passed from father to son, the sure knowledge that a man’s children were indeed his biologically became of the utmost importance. And the only way men could know this with any certainty was to limit the sexual expression of women. The strict adherence to monogamy wasn’t as important for men because women always know which children are theirs and because women didn’t have any property rights

Of course, nowadays, we have DNA testing available, which makes this concern a moot point. Old attitudes die hard, however, especially considering that the original reasons for monogamy have been shrouded by mythology which arose to bolster its enforcement, with one of the main supports being that of religion.

Also, up until the last century and the advent of reliable forms of birth control, most women typically spent much of their adult lives being the primary caretakers for large families, which left them little time to pursue extracurricular sexual interests or earn their own money, which would have afforded them independence to live as they pleased. Nowadays, women have fewer children, or none at all, and most also earn a living, but again, attitudes haven’t kept up with reality.

Is it expected that men will be promiscuous, and "wrong" for women to be the same way?

I don’t know whether men are expected to be promiscuous, but there is certainly more understanding when a man is not strictly monogamous. There’s a lot of sly winking about a man who gets around and has many lovers; he’s a “ladies’ man”, a tomcat, a stud. “Boys will be boys” and all that.

Unfortunately, there really aren’t many positive words for a female libertine; rather, she is referred to as a “slut”, “tramp”, etc. However, much in the same way that gay activists claimed the word “queer” and size activists have claimed the word “fat”, female libertines have claimed the word “slut” as a label of pride and turned the original meaning on its head.

Is it expected that at a certain age, no matter what your sex, you get over your "wild side" and fall into monogamy?

Yes, even men are expected to eventually cease sowing their wild oats, as if libertinism is just a phase and not an integral part of oneself. By around age thirty or so, give a take a few years, there is a mainly unspoken expectation that a man will “settle down” into a steady career, get married, and have a family. Of course, this expectation isn’t as relentless as it’s always been for women, but the attitude that a bachelor isn’t quite as mature and responsible as the “family man” still lingers.

I raised my son alone from about a year old until adulthood. It was suggested to me several times, both subtly and blatantly, that I “ought” to get married in order to provide him with a mother, and that I was “selfish” for not doing so!

In closing, though the double standard still remains, attitudes have been and will continue to change, however slowly, in order to match the realities of modern life. Monogamy will no doubt continue to be predominant, but a tolerance for alternative sexual expressions will be a growing trend as well.

Book Review: The Myth of Monogamy

The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People Date: 01 May, 2002 — $10.50 — Book product page Rating:

A biologically based study of animal and human behavior, showing that human beings, as well as most animal species, are not naturally monogamous. Particular attention is paid to the difference between "social monogamy" and actual biological monogamy. Also refuted are earlier studies which suggested that men were naturally promiscuous and women naturally monogamous; instead, it is shown that both sexes have the predisposition to stray. Another point covered is the conflict between our biological natures and the moral dictates of religion and society. I gave the book four stars, instead of five, because I believe the authors copped out by stopping short of offering common sense guidelines that would allow society to acknowledge this biological fact and to help make nonmonogamous relationships an openly acceptable alternative.

How to Be a Successful Libertine

Lately, I’ve read some blogs written by people struggling with unconventional sexual ideas and lifestyles; people torn between their own desires and conventional sexual mores in our culture. After reading a few such blogs, I decided to list what has worked for me in my chosen lifestyle, to hopefully be of some help to those struggling with questions and conflicts about lifestyle options.

A High Libido

Naturally, only those with high libidos would be attracted to libertinism in the first place. Those with more sedate sex drives probably are more content with more conventional lifestyles.

A second related component is a desire for sexual variety both in types of experiences and partners. One can have a relatively high libido, yet still be satisfied with a conventional marriage if one does not require a lot of variety, especially if one happens to marry someone with an equally high libido. Libertines, however, need a good bit of variety in their sex lives, as well as frequent sex, in order to be completely satisfied.

The Ability to Compartmentalize

It is essential to be able to separate sex from love, and to be able to value each separately in order to be a libertine without internal conflicts.

This is not to say that those who cannot separate sex from love must always be strictly monogamous, but neither do such people make good libertines. Polyamorous relationships, which entail the same commitment as traditional monogamous marriage, but have more than two partners, might work for those who desire some sexual variety, but are still uncomfortable with casual sex without emotional ties. Polyamory is a midway point between traditional monogamy and libertinism.

A Clear Choice

The libertine lifestyle is best entered into by conscious choice. Many people drift into promiscuous sex lives without any thought or consideration. Such people tend to be highly conflicted about their actions, believing one thing, but doing another. Some vacillate between sexual freedom and a more conventional lifestyle, which is a recipe for trouble.

Anticipate Consequences and Accept Responsibility for One’s Actions

This goes along with the difference between actively choosing this lifestyle and just drifting into it. In order to make an informed positive choice to engage in a sexually unconventional lifestyle, one needs to be completely aware of any possible consequences that may result, however remote, and be willing to take total responsibility for one’s actions. Libertinism is something one must enter into with their eyes wide open, which I cannot stress enough.

Honesty

This goes along with taking responsibility for one’s actions. For libertinism to be an ethical and respectable choice, one must be totally honest. First, one must be honest with oneself. A libertine must fully accept their sexual nature and not be ashamed to admit it to others.

Second, one must tell any potential new lovers upfront that you are not monogamous and to give them the opportunity to either walk away or to make a fully informed choice to engage in a sexual relationship with you. The nature of the relationship must be clear to all parties at the very beginning in order to avoid trouble further down the road.

Third, one’s beliefs must be congruent with one’s actions. If you say one thing and do another, you are not a libertine. You are a cheater.

Independence

A successful libertine lives by the mantra “to thine own self be true”. One must be able to do what is right for them, without concern for one’s “reputation”, what others think, or what “everyone else” thinks or does.

Independence also involves respecting your partners’ autonomy and to avoid possessiveness and excessive jealousy, and by choosing partners who similarly respect your autonomy. Jealousy, when it occurs, must be handled in a rational manner, and treated like the negative emotion it is.

Out of the Box Thinker

Related to independence, it helps if a libertine is an “out of the box” thinker, to be a natural questioner in general, not just about sexual mores. The ability to rationally and objectively look at things from the outside in helps immensely in the libertine lifestyle.

Time and Other Responsibilities

Although one always makes time for what is important in their life, other responsibilities can affect the choice to be a libertine.

It is usually easier to be a libertine if one is legally unmarried and does not currently have ongoing daily responsibilities to a number of other people, such as a large family of underage children or taking care of elderly parents, for example. I was a single parent to one son, but I had grandparent help in raising him, which allowed me to pursue my chosen lifestyle to a large degree.

Many people are philosophically libertines, but do not have sufficient time to pursue such a lifestyle because of these other responsibilities. Usually, in such a case, they either pursue it on a very limited, part time basis or wait until their responsibilities lessen.

Life History/upbringing

Libertinism usually comes easier to those who were brought up in freethinking, liberal families that were not strongly religious, and that were free of sexual or other forms of abuse.

To sum up, libertinism isn’t for everyone. As with all choices in life, there are tradeoffs, but for those with the maturity, desire, and the courage to handle an unpopular lifestyle choice, the rewards can be many.

Sexual World Records

Makes me tired just to read this stuff. Enjoy!

Most Lovers -- Male

Anonymous (b. c. 1900)—52,000

In his famous 10-year sex survey, Alfred Kinsey noted the case of a man whose frequency of coitus was 33.1 acts a week, over a period of 30 years—almost 52,000 in all. Other researchers have recorded examples of people who have engaged in sexual intercourse twice a day for 30 years.

Wilt Chamberlain (1936-2000)—20,000

In his autobiography A View from Above the legendary basketball star claimed to have intercourse with over 20,000 women in his lifetime.

King Ibn-Saud (1880-1953)—20,000

From the age of 11 until his death at 72, the Saudi Arabian monarch had sexual relations with three different women every night—except during battles.

John Curtis Holmes (1944-1988)—14,000

Having lost his virginity at age 12 to a 36-year-old friend of his mother, John early on began on a path of sexual indulgence. Through such bacchanalia it's estimated he copulated with more that 14,000 women in his life, both on and off screen.

King Edward VII (1841-1910)—7,800

Rebelling against his strict childhood, he turned to indulging himself in women, food, drink, gambling, and sports. Though married, his wife turned a blind eye to his extramarital activities, which continued well into his sixties and found him implicated in several divorce cases. Its estimated he slept with about three different women a week for nearly half a century.

King George IV (1762-1830)—7,000

At the age of 17, this English monarch was said to have become "rather too fond of woman and wine." When not boozing it up he would enjoy himself in the embraces of numerous mistresses

Most Lovers - Female

Julia the Elder (39BC-14AD)—80,000

Daughter of Roman Emperor Augustus, Julia was beautiful, intelligent, highly educated, and witty. Everything a woman might want was hers, save one: sexual satisfaction. And this not ten men, nor a hundred, nor a thousand could provide. It was during her childhood that she embarked upon her amorous adventures. Her lovers soon numbered in the dozens, then hundreds, then beyond, said to encompass half the virile youths of Rome. Still not satiated, she began offering herself to every passing stranger, whatever his color, age, or appearance. With a band of lascivious Roman women she wandered through the streets, accosting passersby and sometimes dragging them into the nearest alleyway, where the transaction would be swiftly concluded. She persisted for many years, until exiled to the island of Pandateria.

Mlle. Dubois (c. 1770)—16,527

The renowned French actress made a catalog of her lovers over a 20-year period. The final count: 16,527 individuals, which works out to about three per day.

Valeria Messalina (22-48 AD)—8,000

The wife of Roman Emperor Claudius, Messalina used her venerable position to compel subordinates to fulfill her sexual desires. Her desire to indulge in the wildest of sexual excesses led her to frequently search out new licentious adventures. Once she converted a palace bedroom into a brothel, disrobed, gilded the nipples of her breasts, and invited the male public in to be entertained for the legally regulated fee. Another time she challenged a noted prostitute, insisting she could entertain more men in 24 hours than her rival. Pliny the Elder writes that Messalina won "for within the space of 24 hours she cohabited 25 times."

Brigitte Bardot (b. 1934)—4,980

At the age of 40, the French film star boasted in an interview that she "must have a man every night." Assuming that her need began at age 20, and subtracting an arbitrary 76 days a year for travel, illness, etc., that would mean Brigitte had a total of 4,980 nights of sexual activity—and that’s without considering daytime liaisons.

Ninon de Lenclos (17^th century)—4,959

France's greatest sexologist during the 17^th century, she set up a finishing school for she was once proposed by Cardinal Richelieu to spend a night with him in exchange for 50,000 crowns (worth about $20,000 in today's currency). She took the money, but sent a female friend in her place.

___________________

Most Copulations in a Single Session - Male

For the aptly titled flick The World's Luckiest Man (Vivid, 1997), porn actor Jon Dough was required to do it with 101 women. He managed 55 in one day, speedily moving from girl to girl (and act to act), climaxing between 5 to 6 times. Taking time off to recuperate, he did the remaining 46 two weeks later.

Most Copulations in a Single Session - Female

In April 1996, porn star Jasmin St Clair had sex 300 times with 51 different men.

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Longest Lovemaking Session

When a reporter asked Mae West (1892-1980) how she went about writing her memoirs, the legendary sex star quipped, "I do all of my best work in bed." She wasn't kidding. In her autobiography she writes of how she and a sexual prodigy named Ted made love for 15 consecutive hours

____________________

Most Spouses -- Male

Fath-'Ali Shah of Persia (1771-1834)—1000 wives

The Nasikhu't Tavarikh, a great modern Persian historical work, fixes the number of his wives at over 1,000.

Most Spouses -- Female

Queen Kahina of the Berbers (c. 650?-702)—400 husbands

Chief of the Berbers in Northern Africa, Kahina relied on her cunning and indomitable will to withstand the Arab invasions of her homeland. In one account it is said she ruled over a mighty harem of men, servile and willing to accommodate her every wish.
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Source: http://www.sexualrecords.com/

The Low-Down on the Libertine

The Low-down on the Libertine

I am a baby boomer, born in the late 50s
I have an adult son
I don’t have any grandchildren and don’t particularly want any
I am not monogamous (well, duh!)
I was only legally married once and am now divorced
My favorite colors are dark green and black
I went to college, majored in music, but do not have a degree
I am a youngest child
I scored as an INTP on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
I am an ex law enforcement officer
My favorite all-time movie is Patton
I have long dark hair and green eyes
I am a cat person, presently with two cats
I have lived in five states
I am a direct descendant of a Confederate soldier
I have a New England accent
I despise phonies, self righteous people, and stupidity
I am a bibliophile
I like to write
I’ve been able to read since I was four years old
I’ve never been on a roller coaster
I’m a procrastinator
I don’t watch TV
When I did, my favorite show was Deep Space Nine
I am agnostic
I am a liberal libertarian libertine
I am a history buff
I am indifferent to sports
Fall is my favorite season
I hate hot weather
I had the highest IQ in my high school graduating class
My favorite cologne is Fahrenheit
I am 5-11
My favorite number is 3
My favorite NASCAR driver was Dale Earnhardt
I love the ocean
I don’t drink or smoke
I’m a junk food junkie
I’m good at research
My second favorite thing to do in bed is sleep
I like to drive fast
I am a private person
I like strawberry soda
I like to talk
I’m not good at math
I was afraid of tornadoes as a kid. I don’t like them much now
I like to eat out
I wear mainly black
My mother died when I was a teenager
J inspired me to write this

Turkish Government Drops Plans to Outlaw Adultery

ANKARA (AFP) - Facing a popular outcry at home and stern warnings from Europe, the Turkish government discreetly stepped back from a plan to introduce a motion into a crucial penal reform bill to make adultery a crime punishable by prison.
(click here for the rest of the story):

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1512&ncid=1512&e=3&u=/afp/20040914/wl_afp/turkey_eu_adultery

The ironic thing about the proposed inclusion of an adultery clause into this penal reform bill is that the bill is intended as a long-overdue corrective to previous Turkish criminal law which was adopted in 1926 from fascist Italy. Wilhelm Reich theorized in 1936 that without the suppression of sexuality and the imposition of anti-sexual morality, you could not have an authoritarian government, because people would be free from shame, and would trust their own sense of right and wrong.

And that’s it in a nutshell. In a free society, a nation’s citizens are fully-fledged adults, capable of making their own decisions of what form their personal, private relationships will take and to accept the responsibility for their actions in regards to such relationships. An anti-adultery law would have the government acting inappropriately in a parental-type role.

Laws banning adultery have no place in this bill, which wouldn’t fit the progressive nature of the other clauses which comprise it:

Heavier penalties to the crimes of torture and child molestation; unless explicitly ordered by a judge or a prosecutor, it forbids degrading virginity tests, often conducted at will on women suspects; it bans child pornography, child abuse, the trade in human organs, environmental pollution and computer piracy.

It would seem that common sense will prevail yet again.

New Jersey Governor Resigns Over Affair

TRENTON, N.J (Reuters) - New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey, who earlier this year said he opposed gay marriage, announced on Thursday he would resign and admitted having a homosexual affair

"Shamefully, I engaged in adult consensual affairs with another man, which violates my bonds of matrimony," the married father of two said. "It was wrong, it was foolish, it was inexcusable."

Spare me, please! It's nobody's damned business who he had sex with and falling off the monogamy bandwagon is no reason to resign from office. That's his own private business and it's totally ludicrous for him to be announcing this to the world in a news conference.

McGreevey said that he'd been conflicted about his sexual orientation since childhood. Apparently, he tried to deny his true sexual orientation by entering into a conventional marriage and living a lie for years. What is shameful and inexcusable is the fact that he felt that he had to deny his true self all these years until he was backed into a wall and couldn't deny it any longer. His opposition to gay marriage is further indicative of his extreme attempts at denial.

Up until very recently, gays and lesbians have been expected to bury that integral part of themselves in order to be respected members of society. Those who are nonmonogamous, straight and gay, are still expected to do so, despite growing evidence that sexual preference is inborn and that human beings are not naturally monogamous. Perhaps it will be easier to maintain one's integrity when people are no longer expected to repress their basic natures by desperately trying to swim upstream while pretending Cinderella's shoe will fit nicely on every foot.